Monday, August 30, 2004
For crying out loud!
How on earth can a man, dressed like that, run onto the track and attack an athlete for nearly 15 seconds before someone shows up? I am appalled. Vanderlei de Lima of Brazil deserves a gold medal. As a matter of fact, give him two. That ex-priest seems to be up to old tricks as he looks to be tweaking the left nipple of the runner at his obvious displeasure. He is seen here again, doing the same thing to some sort of security official:
The attacker was carrying a sign that read "The Grand Prix Priest Israel Fulfilment of Prophecy Says the Bible." Go figure.
For surviving this horrid attack, de Lima deserves one gold medal, and for being such a good sport when he finished the race he deserves another. Take it away from the American gymnast who sounds a lot like a girl and give it to de Lima if you ran out of medals.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
"Mom, I want choc-" SLAP.
Maybe worse. Popularity, dear reader, is the effect, not the cause, of the writing. Finally, as to having too much time in our hands - maybe our hands aren’t too preoccupied with our genitals in all our free time (as RealTM puts it.) Whatever is written on Nineteen is only done in our free time, and it only takes a quarter-hour to write something of quality every week. In any case, I’ve been busy the past week so I cramped a 2-week worth of writing into this one.
Moving on... The other day, some kid came to me for advice regarding her course selection for highschool. I did my best to sound enthusiastic by telling them to go screw themselves, but it didn’t work. Flipping through the course selection booklet, I came across some very ridiculous courses. Things like “parenting”, “fashion” and “managing personal and family resources”. Parenting? Who, in a sub-matured state of mind, needs to learn parenting? Isn’t that supposed to be intuitive? It’s like offering a course in breathing or taking a dump. Then there is fashion; that’s not so bad if I want to fall into the snare of corporate whorery. In response to this, one would have to learn how to manage their personal and family resources in order to not spend money on unnecessary products (note to the stupid – a Nike water bottle will not make you any more athletic than you dream of.) Schools shouldn’t spoil and corrupt children this way by offering impractical courses. They should offer more factual teachings, like “Civilized Behaviour” and “Discipline by the Stick.” The other day I was using public transit to get home, and up front where the handicapped are supposed to sit was some blonde MILF with her unmannered child. The boy shouted at his mother with phrases like “Mom, you stole the money!”, “Mom, why are people staring at me?” and “Mom, how come you have hair down there?” Clearly, the child had never been disciplined, very much like his own mother. In my entire life, no one has given me a better reason to split their skull into two like this boy did. How can children go undisciplined in such a way? If a kid talks to me like that or even begins to think about embarrassing me in public, I’d slap him. If that doesn’t work, I’ll use a stick on his back. This is not child abuse, it’s discipline. Stupid teen magazines are the reason why we have parents who are afraid to raise their children right, or maybe they just don't know how to do it. If you can't do it right, place the child in a box addressed to the Nineteen Editor Office and drop it in the mailbox. Say NO to Seventeen!
Update: Just before someone else comes whining about how hitting children does not help in raising them, I guess I have to say it explicitly (thereby beheading the black humour in the article) – I do know, and I do believe, that harming a child is not morally and fundamentally right in raising children. I do know that the best way to teach children about right and wrong is via instrumental conditioning. However, I do think that hitting a child (on the hand, for example) is still effective in disciplining them, though it should not be taken to the level where it will severely harm the child, physically and psychologically. I detest it when people ruin my sarcasm.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
From below the 49th parallel
Your friendly neighborhood blogger has been in Columbus, Ohio since last week and it hasn't been a total waste of time. It's been quite an experience actually. I have got to say...when it comes to movie theatres, Canada has nothing on America. I saw a movie for 50 cents tonight and it wasn't in Chinatown. I'm going to have to end this transmission, I've got things to do...No really, for once I have something to do. Good bye, and God Bless America!
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Good boy! Here’s a cookie.
(click here for part 1)
Then there are those who want to fit in with a certain group of people because they want to experience the sort of attention that particular group receives. The problem is that those people are trying to fit into a group that they don’t belong to, they’re not qualified for it, and it doesn’t even match their personality that the result is a confused pretender. These pretenders do certain activities just so they can talk about doing it and hope to be accepted by a certain social group. For example, a pretender would go spend money to watch a basketball game, not because he/she enjoys the sport at all, but just so he/she can go back to their friends (some of which are genuinely into basketball) and talk/brag to them about their experience. In reality, the pretender is forcing the basketball game experience onto themselves in hope of developing a passion for it, artificially. What’s more, when the pretender starts talking about their new experience in this field, they talk in a way that makes it sound as if everyone else is completely deprived of such an experience. These pretenders are none more than victims of conformity. Their personality lacks the appeal of uniqueness, their actions have no real motive or reward besides having the opportunity to talk about them. They also tend to be judgmental towards people with real talents and who receive attention they deserve. The pretenders have this idea that if people don’t talk about what they do, they probably don’t do it. For example, based on their reasoning (or lack of for that matter), if I do not talk about how I gave money to charity, then I didn’t do such a thing. This is because they are used to talking about everything they do and hope to receive attention for doing so. Many of their judgments are based on inaccurate assumptions, manufactured by limited views of life.
So how do I feel about those victims? Well, I don’t feel much and I don’t let my ego be touched by their poor judgments. When I achieve, I do not pull up a banner and blow horns in celebration. If you overrate yourself and give yourself too much credit, you’re not leaving much room for people to credit you.
Oh so you got yourself a date? Good job, now go and puzzle out which face you’ll put on for the night.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Cogito, Ergo Sum.
Let me focus my rant on a certain group of individuals. I believe I have discovered what ails these people. I have termed it "Accepted Absurdity Disorder" or "AAD". A mental disorder, AAD renders sufferers utterly useless to society. Ironically, this disorder is in effect created by said society. Generally, a person suffering from AAD is unable to recognize the difference between an absurd and a rational thought, making him/her nearly incapable of having an intelligent thought. AAD comes from a collection of prefabricated thoughts and thought patterns similar to cliches that accumulate in an already weak mind. The weak mind accepts these thoughts as originals and resorts to them as often as possible. The thoughts and thought patterns come from many sources but alone they are harmless. It is only when they accumulate in a weak mind that they become "Art-ideos" or "Artificial Ideas" that are to blame for the suffering an humiliation suffered by most people with AAD.
Sufferers of AAD are easily recognizable. The most obvious symptom is lack of communication skills. A few nights ago, while I was chatting with friends on MSN Messenger a girl began to talk to me. I talked back and we began a conversation. The conversation somehow turned into an argument. Now, I'm paraphrasing but not embellishing the conversation.
(Long pause because I was busy with other conversations)
RealTm: So what's new.
(Another long pause)
Girl: Talk to me
RealTm: You're not making it easy.
Girl: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!
RealTm: It means what is says.
RealTm: How's it going with you and that guy?
RealTm: So what are you two doing now? Dating?
Girl: What is this, 21 questions?
RealTm: No, its a two part question.
Girl: Well, it's none of your business.
Girl: You always have to have the last word don't you?
Girl: I'm going to bed. Good night.
RealTm: Good night.
(I close the window and carry on with my life.)
Girl: Go to bed.
(I'm thinking WTF)
Girl: What is this all about?
(I'm hoping she isn't getting philosophical)
Girl: This argument
(Now I'm more than slightly pissed off)
RealTm: Frankly, I couldn't care less. But I will give you a hint why we are having it. Its because you are by far the worst conversationalist I have ever met in my life. If your dull mind were capable of putting together one set of ideas even vaguely comprehensible you wouldn't need to bother me with these infantile yacks you call conversations.
Girl: You talk to much (sic)
(I'm thinking: unbelievable. You come back online to talk to me after we end our conversation and then you tell me I talk too much? Someone should stick an explosive penis down your throat.)
RealTm: I've had enough of this mindless banter. Go to bed.
When I realized that that girl must have had AAD I felt somewhat bad. And she isn't the only one. There are millions of other people like her who have no idea what they are suffering from. The only solution is detoxification of the mind and daily reading of anything published on Nineteen. Other than lack of communication skills, these people are recognized by their contrite speech patterns around dominant males and authority figures, inability to use inductive and deductive reason no matter how simple the problem may be and their proneness to use sentences with improper subject/verb agreement when it doesn't sound cool (RealTm don't know what's that all about).
There is help. Seek and ye shall find.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Dear Nab, Episode I
Here is just a little introduction before I start talking about the real problem.
I have known this guy, actually a friend, for over a year now. Things have been pretty good, until the day I found out he wanted to be more than 'just friends'. I was very surprised and could hardly believe a word he was saying. At the time, I didn't even believe that he liked me more than a friend, but he seemed to be really serious about it so I figured he was telling the truth. So anyways, I rejected him, because I only liked him as a friend.
Now, the real issue… This person that I am talking about is a really nice guy even though there are a few things I don't like. This isn't that big of an issue, but it is something some of us have to deal with at times. I guess by now you have figured out that I am a girl. So here is where it all started... One night, two friends call me asking me to come and hang out with them (one of the guys being the person this is about). I agreed, since I was bored and I wasn't busy in the first place. We drove around in my friend's car and at one point the guy [in question] comes to sit at the back with me. I honestly didn't mind that. BUT it's not about the fact that he was sitting beside me, it's about why he was there. I wasn't expecting anything to happen. All I wanted was just to hang out, nothing else. Maybe I gave a different impression, I don't know. And if I did, I was wrong to do that. So what happened was, the guy moved closer to me trying to do whatever. I didn't think it was such a bad thing, because after all he didn't get anywhere with me since I stopped him. That night, I didn't mention anything, but I did feel that I was doing the wrong thing. I just let it go, thinking it was a one time thing and it sure will not happen again. I was wrong. The next time, we hanged out; I thought everything was fine and all that. Well, it wasn't. I wasn't so much in the mood for anything, especially not fooling around. This time when the guy came to the back of the car, where I was sitting, he pretty much didn't care what the heck he was doing. The night before that wasn't as bad. I didn't want to be mean or anything, so I agreed to some of the things that went on. All I did was put my legs over his. I didn’t think it would get any further, I wasn't thinking straight. I just relaxed. But no, relaxing was not such a great idea. He tried going under my shirt, or whatever that was, after I tried to stop him and told him not to. He didn't even care about what I said. Look at this way, if I said no to something like that I think it was pretty clear I didn't want to go any further, and that would have been a good time to stop. First of all, I didn't want go anywhere at all. It wasn't like that. Don't think he raped me or anything. That's silly. Nothing happened. Okay, think about this. If you consider somebody a friend, you don't necessarily expect this kind of thing to happen. I am trying to say is that when someone says 'no' it does mean no. The impression I got about him after those two nights was that the only reason he wanted to hang out was so he can fool around, not because of any other reason. He said that wasn't true. I'm not trying to be rude or however you want to put that, I just don't want this to go on. I don't see a way to tell him how I actually feel about all this and act as if it's normal. I know I can just tell him straight up, no big deal, but he is a good friend and what will he think...
Disclaimer: I hereby wash my hands clean of any damages, physical or psychological, that may result as a consequence of my writing. I have the right to manipulate the letter in any way I find suitable such that it is made liable to criticism and attacks by me and any other reader herein.
Thank you for writing and selling your soul to me. I am going to publish your letter so that you may set an example to others of your generation and type. I will tackle your issue systematically so that I have everything covered and solved.
I suppose you have not yet studied The Ladder Theory, since you persist to call this guy of yours a “friend” when clearly he is more than a friend. Use the link provided to go over this theory, it’s a masterpiece.
“I guess by now you have figured out that I am a girl.” – No shit? I don’t think a male adolescent would have issues like yours and write about them. Also, this provokes me to add the following requirement to the visitors of this website:
“REQUIREMENT: STRAIGHT SEXUAL ORIENTATION, NO HOMOS.”
We learn as we go.
So this guy of yours wants “things” from you and you are denying him. Didn’t you go to church, don’t you know that Jesus teaches us to give, give and give to the needy? I suppose the problem you are facing is that you still want to be “friends” with this guy even though he treated you like… like the proper way a guy should treat a girl? You even ventured to put your legs over his, and still expect him to behave like an inanimate stick? That’s not how it works, I’m afraid to say. You see, you’ve thrown a well mixed cocktail of messages and hints to this poor guy, and he is only reacting accordingly. First you say no, and then let him do what he enjoys doing (first night encounter.) Then you say no again, and to prove your point, you place your legs over him (second night encounter.) Dare I say you are in confusion with what exactly you want from the guy? Maybe, just maybe, this explains why I addressed you with Wants-it-but-denies-it. I can’t blame the guy for doing what he did, simply because you haven’t done enough to show him what you don’t want from him. Oh you did say ‘no’ a couple of times. Maybe the message is not clear enough. Here, from now on, wear this badge when you are “hanging out” with guys:
You can get a badge like this one from your local extreme feminist cult; though wearing it would give the false impression that you are approached by guys frequently.
Summing up, to really solve your problem I think it is best to refer him to this article itself. Upon reading your email, he should understand how you felt about the issue and when he reads my suggested (and flawless) solution he will know how to treat you henceforth. The “friends” idea, toss it out the window. It’s a ‘give and you shall receive’ sort of idea that we're looking at here.
I am certain things will turn out fine eventually. I look forward to recieving more issues from readers that I can effortlessly solve.